If all of the criminals in the world were as smart as I am, it would be a scary place to live. Thank goodness for dumb criminals to keep the streets safe.

If I ever try to hire a hitman, I'll PROBABLY avoid one who sounds like a rejected "Sesame Street" character.

48-year-old Gregory Rouzer is in prison in Indiana County, Pennsylvania.  And he and his 54-year-old girlfriend Laraine Patterson have been trying to find a HITMAN to kill a guy on the outside.

Gregory shot the guy back in 2008, but he survived.  Then he hired a hitman to kill the guy in 2009, but it fell through.  And now he's BACK to trying to kill this guy.  Although it's not clear WHY he wants him dead so badly.

Laraine eventually found a woman last month who said she knew a hitman to do the job.  And that woman's name was . . . Joanie Pepperoni.

That sounds like a made-up name.  And guess what . . . it was.  Joanie Pepperoni was obviously an undercover cop, but Gregory and Laraine didn't suspect a thing and kept on pushing through with the hit.

Once Laraine gave Joanie Pepperoni the money, cops swooped in.  Laraine was arrested for felony solicitation and conspiracy to commit homicide.  And Gregory got hit with the same charges . . . even though he's already doing 60 years. (ABC 4 - Pittsburgh)

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