Tips for Maximizing Your St. Patrick’s Day

It's St. Patrick's Day and in effort to help you have an awesome day, I've made you a list of Rich Styles's Patty's Day Tips.

• Asking a short guy for his "pot of gold" is funny, unless he's a 132-pound MMA fighter with no sense of humor.
• If you wear something green you won't be ridiculed. Unless it's a New York Jets jersey.
• It's okay, sinks are toilets too. All drains lead to the ocean.
• Buy bombs - Jager and Irish Car, that is.
• Use popular Irish phrases like, "Top o' the Morning" and "Me Liver's Swollen to the Touch."
• Celebrate your Irish pride! Find the nearest Englishman and kicking him squarely in the bits.
• If you're at a St. Patrick's Day parade in Boston, shout out "Hey Fitzy!" or "Yo Sully!" and enjoy watching 25,000 people simultaneously turn around.
• Be sure to drink enough Guinness that you won't realize corned beef and cabbage tastes like warm, salty yuck.
• If you don't vomit at a bar with an Irish namesake, you're doing it wrong.
• Never ask women you are interested in courting if they'd like to see your 'shillelagh'.
• Wear a "Kiss Me I'm Irish" button/shirt/underwear to really set the mood for your drunken Irish escapades.