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Today in Lindsay Lohan: Boozing, Birthday Woes and a Free Ride From Mark Heller + Mr. Pink

Mr. Pink Lindsay Lohan Mark Heller
Pacific Coast News

Lindsay Lohan is happy that she’s not going to jail, but she’s still pissed that she has to go to rehab — not just because she insists she doesn’t have a problem, but also because she’s going to be there on her birthday, July 2.

She’s so mad that she won’t even pay her lawyers. Because someone else is doing that for her.

TMZ reports that La Lohan is getting liquored up despite her rehab sentence, trying desperately to get her kicks while she still can.

The poison she usually picks? Vodka. And she first picked it mere hours after her court hearing.

Despite insisting that she doesn’t have a substance abuse problem, Lilo insisted that vodka served to her while clubbing this week be served in a glass carafe — that way no one would see booze bottles at her table.

Meanwhile, she’s bummed that she won’t be able to do the same to celebrate her 27th year gracing this planet. Lohan apparently had plans for a huge birthday bash in New York City, and now those plans have gone as far down the toilet as her career.

One thing not getting her down? Her legal bills, which will be handled by Mr. Pink — the same weirdo who lent her a private jet to get to court after she ditched two previous flights.

Lohan’s dad, Michael Lohan, revealed to Radar Online, “I found out that the reason Lindsay kept Heller on, is because Michael Heller arranged for Mr. Pink to pay Mark Heller to represent her.”

“This was a business deal for the Hellers, not a case of proper legal representation,” he added. “They played Lindsay like a puppet on a string like they do everyone.”

“She used Heller because she got paid to be represented, while having all her expenses paid for and then being told by her attorney that she had deals, like house arrest that were never even an option,” Michael fumed.

“Instead, it was all just bait to keep the Hellers on board. Michael Heller arranged to use Lindsay’s court case to endorse Mr. Pink. Lindsay got paid, Michael Heller got his cut and Mark Heller, daddy dearest, got paid too.”

While the irony of Michael Lohan calling anyone else “daddy dearest” seems to be adorably lost on him, his story does add up with previous reports. Maybe father knows best after all.

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