Some Things Men Wish Women Knew About Them
There are few men out there that have the guts to tell women what we really think. I think we would just rather tell women what they want to hear to avoid the wrath.
So, I figured I would let Men’s Health do the dirty work of telling you ladies what men wish you knew about them. I must warn you that it’s not going to be pretty.
It’s funny because when we first get married we want to make our women so happy. Then, we still want to make them happy but we do it by not being completely honest with them to avoid them getting hurt.
Then, someday way down the road guys realize that they can be brutally honest and just don’t care anymore. I think it’s that person that came up with this list:
- Testicles are a huge nuisance. They shift left, they shift right. It is like having a sweaty beanbag chair in your pants. So please refrain from chiding us if we occasionally feel the need to rearrange our boys.
- We were not looking at your friend’s cleavage. We were looking at cleavage. Cleavage is its own self-contained entity. It does not matter what body it is attached to, unless it’s mom’s.
- Your expectations? They are all yours. We do not need them.
- We do not care if you had a lot of boyfriends before us. The number does not matter. What we really care about is that those boyfriends were all unemployed mouth-breathing homunculi who couldn’t please you if you put your finger on it.
- Yes, actually, we think it does make you look fat.
- Complaining that we never ask for directions is like us complaining that you wear heels even when you know that the evening is going to involve a lot of walking. We are all irrational creatures, so let us just let everybody have his or her thing, okay?
- Two thing we will never fail to notice: car wreaks and side boob.
- It is unlikely that we will ever notice your new hair-cut unless you point it out. And when you do point it out, please don’t make it an accusation.
- You think we are driving too fast now? You ought to see us when you are not in the car.
- Being able to pee anywhere, literally anywhere, is like a superpower. So of course we’re going to test its limits. We’ll pee outside, pee in a sink, pee over a balcony, let’s try it all. Don’t fence us in. It’s like being granted the ability to fly and then someone says, “You can only do this indoors.”
- Every one of us is well aware that we’re whiny babies who can’t take care of ourselves when we’re sick. But hey, it works, doesn’t it? Thanks in advance for being our sexy nurse.
- Don’t get us wrong, we do admire you for your brains. And the way they sprout your incredibly sexy hair.
- We’re completely different people at the office.
- We cry. But it has to be worth our tears. Like Field of Dreams worthy. If Colin Firth makes a film about baseball and fathers, then fine, we’ll bawl along with you.
- You know your favorite teacher from high school, the one you still remember with exaggerated nostalgia? That’s how we feel about the first porn we ever saw.
- We just think farts are funny, especially kid lets one rip in church. And yes, we know it’s juvenile, and no, we don’t care.
- In our world, if you say “nothing’s wrong,” that means “nothing’s wrong.” Because if you believe, as we do, that language is a form of communication in which a linguistic system of symbols or sounds is used to convey ideas and feelings, then maybe you should just say what you mean already.
- Actually, we don’t hate shopping. You just pick the wrong stores.
Sorry ladies. None of this means we don’t love you!
[via: Men’s Health]