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Extended Preview of ‘What Would Ryan Lochte Do?’ Is the Stuff of Nostradamus Warnings [VIDEO]

A while back we reported that E! had ordered six episodes of a reality show about Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte. Then we forgot about it, because we didn’t think they were actually serious.

But they were. Oh, god. They were.

‘What Would Ryan Lochte Do?’ profiles the adventures of the 11-time medalist as he investigates the meaning of life picks up women and talks about his shoes because, well, that’s exactly what Ryan Lochte would do.

In recently released footage, Lochte stumbles through interviews and shows us the many facets we didn’t know he had.

For example, there’s Ryan Lochte the etymologist, delving into the origins of his favorite non-word, “Jeah”: “If you say it like how it’s spelled it’s jee-uh. But that’s … boring. No one wants a’ hear that. So you have to really put the enfidence on that J.”

There’s Ryan Lochte the men’s rights activist, telling off an attractive young woman who asks if he’d cook her dinner with a firm, “Hell, no!”

And there’s Ryan Lochte the advertising genius, describing the “Ryan Lochte Edge” that the world needs to have by saying he “honestly ha[s] no idea” what that is before staring blankly into the camera like it had breasts.

It’s a show with everything: One night stands! Overbearing siblings! Bromance! Water! Shoes! More water! Jeah!

Some shows, such as TLC’s ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,’ utilize captions to help audiences understand the inflection of the cast. ‘WWRLD’ could be the first case in which we understand all the words, but still need separate captions to tell us what they mean.

It’s a little bit like if one of the E-Trade babies grew super buff and was offered a television deal. Except those E-Trade babies are great at “annunciation,” so never mind.

‘What Would Ryan Lochte Do?’ airs next month, which is just as good a month as any for an apocalypse.

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