Parents Watch Out, There’s a Dum Dums Chain-Sucker On Our Streets
The house I live in is within walking distance of three fast-food restaurants, and a convenience store, so I am forever finding trash in my yard. Apparently, people eat what they buy while they walk, and toss whatever trash they have, wherever they finish the food. Yeah, it's gross, but I just pick it up and go on with my life. This morning however, I found a very strange pile of trash on my sidewalk.
Those are lollipop sticks; Dum Dums as evidenced by the one label. FIVE of them. It's like somebody emptied out an ash tray, but with Dum Dums sticks instead of butts.
So here are the scenarios that could have brought about this curious bit of trash:
A. One person stood in that spot on the sidewalk and consumed FIVE Dum Dums, chain-sucker style. I'd imagine they would have had to bite them to finish them off sooner than it would take to just suck them, but that is still about FOUR more Dum Dums than you should be having standing in front of my house. Weird, but likely.
B. One person had been walking through my neighborhood, sucking down Dum Dums, and holding onto the sticks. Walking past my house, he was startled by a barking dog, or stray possum, and threw the trash as he ran away. Possible, the possums are pretty big this time of year.
C. Five people had a Dum Dums party in front of my house. They all stood there, and sucked defiantly until they could leave their refuse in my yard. I rarely see packs of youths roaming my neighborhood, so this is the least likely solution.
So what I'm thinking is that there is some type of Dum Dums chain-sucker in my area. I'm a little worried, as it isn't even Halloween yet, so they are scoring Dum Dums at the store. What will happen next week, when there will be bowls full of Dum Dums all over the Southern Tier? Parents, please be sure to get chocolate candy to give out to trick-or-treaters, we don't need these Dum Dums fiends coming after our children.